What Does It Mean to Be a Whore?

Before I ever had sex, I was called a slut and a whore by the kids at school. My own father told me in a fit of rage that the whole school thought I was a slut. I lost my virginity in a bathroom of a park from a pimple faced popular boy who pressured me into it without asking. I was terrified and I had no idea what was going on, but the words of those who called me a whore stuck in my mind, and I confirmed for them... that indeed I must be a slut. Now that I am older and have experience as a woman, as a mother, as a survivor of sex trafficking and exploitation, as a scholar, as a kick ass student & lover of life, I have begun to wonder what does it really mean to be a whore...

Am I a whore because of the way I look

Is it my beauty that your envious of while you stand empty watching me be loved by many

Am I whore because I enjoy cooking a masterful meal wearing only underwear

Is it because I let my daughter be naked in the house all the time as she delights in her own mere presence

Am I a whore for automatically shaking my ass every time my body feels the entrancing, pulsation of music no matter where I am at

Is there a certain number of men I have to sleep with before I cross the invisible WHORE threshold

Or is it because I like to sleep with women sometimes too & actually have been since I was 13

Am I a whore because I know how to connect with people on a level you only dream of

Is it because I have seen the darkest of men, in secretive places & I know their pain

Am I a whore because I know how to survive when there is no one else to help me

Is it because you fear my determination and my strength

Is it because I fall in love fast & love with all my heart 

Am I a whore because I decided to give life to my unborn child instead of believing you I couldn't do it

Is it because I am comfortable in my own body and embrace my woman-ness every chance I get

Am I a whore because I talk freely about sex and I am unashamed of my "taboo" past

Is it because I made hundreds of thousands of dollars through my old work, that you will never touch

Am I a whore because my job took me to the depths of this earth and catapulted me to another level of existence in order to THRIVE

Or is it because I want to spend my life helping child victims and giving voice to all the other women you like to call a whore

Am I a whore because my innocence was ripped away from me while secretly drugged in my adolescence 

Is it because you know you want even just a tiny piece of the gifts I have to offer the world

Am I a whore because you could never please me and you will never have me

...

Oh, I know... I am a whore because I finally decided to take my power back & you don't like that very much.

Izabella's father called me garbage  and a whore again the other week. This is 4 years of mental abuse & I won't have it anymore. I am not the scared, broken little girl who he met in a strip club 4 years ago. I know who I am now and I am learning to love every single piece of it. Izabella overheard a phone conversation & knows he called me garbage. This hurts her & she has brought it up when she got sad about something totally unrelated. I validated her feelings & told her people make mistakes. We have to learn & forgive & love. I told her its ok to not like if boys say garbage... you tell them "NO, that is not ok with me. You don't talk to me that way." And she understood. We practiced saying NO by being silly with attitude. My motivation is her. What kind of woman do I want her to try to be? How do I want her to view men? Thank God for her Tio Paully who shows her what love means & how men should treat her mommy. XOXO thank you for reading.

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I will be doing everything I can to fight the good fight. Help me make a difference. 

    WOW... I am inspired by my pain once again. I was told yesterday by the father of my child that I am a whore/garbage and that I don't know what love is. He said that I will never be loved the way I desire to be loved and that I am selfish to go on dates.
     I for some reason felt incredible love towards him as he did what he has done for 4 years: belittle me and abuse me mentally. I felt this love for him and patience and calmness (I cried later but at the time I was collected). I explained to him that I do know what love is, in a way that he can see with his own eyes in his life how I have loved hime. I told him, "love is when you want someone to be happy despite their own choice to live in darkness, love is when someone let's you down but you still try to do good to them, love is praying for someone everyday for 2 years to be happy and healthy even though he calls you a whore and stupid and wished death on your unborn child.Love is abandoning everything I knew and stepping into the future terrified and weak but doing it anyway for my child and never giving up no matter what. Love is offering to give his mother my bone marrow just because I love her & i know its my duty to honor what my heart says I need to do. Above all, love isn't mean, love isn't cruel, love is a sacrifice and it is about giving not receiving."
      I can honestly say i believe in LOVE. Love gave me the the power to do the unthinkable and to change whereas nothing ever ever had helped me succeed. I believe in the most beautiful kind of love in a relationship where both people willingly grow together, face challenges holding hands, seek spirituality, and thrive on every level possible & even the impossible.
     I already know this kind of love because I have friends who have loved me unconditionally. The ones who didn't, weeded themselves out, but a dozen or so have stayed forever. They have loved me in my darkness and celebrated with me in my light. They have taught me how valuable and how precious I am & in turn I want to teach others their value. My friends write me love letters, send me books and articles, show up when I need them & even when I don't ask for help they give it. ANd my family... don't get me started on my family... we have been through hell and back 10 times and still we know we love each other, still they would bail me out of any situation because they know my heart is true... and my dedication is there... they will always be here for me no matter what. My brother, he has taught me that men are capable of an innocent kind of love, the way he loves me... only he could teach me this in a world where all I knew was corruption, deceit, and perversion. NOW, I know love. And I am thankful to Izzy's father consistently teaching me all the things I DO KNOW through his cruelty... pain is the greatest teacher.