My Thorns

What if the only way to heal was to truly walk through the fire of your heart... on a deeper level than you even thought humanly possible where your whole world paradigm begins to shift and shake? How could this be the hidden path to freedom?

Trip out on that. 

We all have thorns in our hearts that burn, burn like crazy. We all have our different and varied ways of relating to these pains. Some of us build protective devices so we can still function in the world and avoid letting people rub up against our wounds. Some of us just avoid getting close to people all together. Some of us, like me, enjoy & try to be close to others, but if they accidentally rub up against a thorn of mine all hell breaks loose like an episode from the exorcist. 

Medicine, therapist, hospitals, rehabs, & 12 step groups have all taught me to be ashamed of the way I relate to these wounds in my heart. I have always believed I am wrong for the intensity of emotions that I experience throughout my life. "Tell yourself & the world your an alcoholic everyday," they would say. "Maybe she has border-line. Wait, no, she's too advanced for borderline." "She's a victim of a violent crime." "She's a troubled youth." "You should feel wronged, Robin, they hurt you. You are suffering from heavy trauma."

At the deepest core level of my human being-ness, I decided & believed I was born flawed & for that I am unlovable. Not only that, I am incapable of love. For that, I deserved everything bad that happened to me & somehow it was my fault. 

I don't believe that anymore. I am responsible for the decisions I made about the bad things that happened, but I am not responsible for the acts themselves. I am responsible for the suffering that I have endured & if I don't do something about it, I will be responsible for the suffering I will allow to occur in my future. 

Taking my power back completely & freeing myself from this paradigm of suffering has been my mission. I just didn't know what it would truly be asking of me. I did not know the level of pain I would have to tap into & for the length of time I would have to endure & explore in order to accomplish this mission. But, there's no turning back. 

We must allow ourselves to notice when someone or something rubs up against our thorns & instead of listening to the world who pathologizes everything, we have to face it. Not to say let someone smack you around. That's obvious... physical danger, run. Emotional danger, get curious, explore, endure, witness because the one who is watching is the one unaffected. There is someone inside ourselves watching this play unfold while our minds & bodies just get swept away in the trauma. This someone is your spirit. The indwelling place of God. The holy spirit inside us who stands in strength & neutrality just watching this human experience.. 

When it rises, you have to notice your breath, notice your fighting thoughts, notice your judgments or yourself & the person... can you, this time, sit in the fire of your own heart & let it burn. Can you recognize the process unfolding?

The only way to take out the thorns is to find them & with courage be willing to let awareness pull them out one by one. 

And for this girl, that's like asking me to walk on shards of glass in a house of horrors... but from my experience so far, it's all just a freaky freak show illusion.

May God be with me and be with you on this journey. May we be blessed with the courage of a fierce warrior as we fight for the ultimate freedom. 

And She Whispered Loudly

I am beautiful… I am free.

If everything is really a lesson working on my behalf to better this life, then my lessons just keep getting sweeter as the years go by. And by sweet, I do not mean easy, just juicier and softer on the eyes of my heart.

Relationships tend to be one of my biggest triggers, and that makes sense for grown children of traumatic upbringings. And for everyone for that matter. No ones had a perfect life. If the people who were “supposed” to love me and teach me the world was safe accidentally created the opposite scenario for me, of course as I grown up I will not trust, I will struggle to let myself be loved, and the way I view myself will fluctuate in the face of human interactions.

 One of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self. It’s where one’s self-perceptions and way of viewing the world change from situation to situation based on the level of perceived safety and/or triggered trauma. I dare to say fuck the westernized diagnosis and disorders… is this not the human experience of many? Especially those who have been beaten with the words and the names of things we are not and never were? Whore, thief, liar, bad girl, bad boy, delinquent, F’s, learning disabilities, failure, depression, cancer, not good at math, stupid, bitch…. Etc.

We were taught to go against our innate nature and to create contradiction exasperated by worldly confusion within the deepest parts of our belief systems. 

So then, if we are so lucky, we choose to embrace our hardships and triggers to break free from the bondage of disillusionment. Last night, I was triggered by telling this beautiful and gentle man the details of my recent past. It’s a heavy thing for newbies in my life to process, let stab them in the gut, and then willingly let the pain drift away like a message in a bottle holding my history… for someone else to pick up one day and find the truth in it all.

I read his voice and became fearful that he will not accept me. I became consumed with the feeling that I am tainted, that I am not “normal,” and I can never tell a normal story to someone I love about my past. My stories are outrageous to say the least and shocking. When you think I couldn’t surprise you more, I do. It’s my life… it’s my story. But, who am I without my story? That is the real lesson here.

Last night I sat with the fear and the sorrow I felt for myself. I felt sadness for the things I put myself through, and I felt regret. Then I realized, this man is not judging me. I am judging me, still. Yes, I have grown by leaps and bounds and have moments of true self-love and miraculous earth shattering revelations… but my insides have not let completely go of the story I tell myself. The story of who I believe I am. The story of how I see myself and relate to the world.

 I sat to meditate on my heart space this morning. I knew the work that needed to be done was inside of me. Whether people judge me or not, whether this man stays in my life or not… the way I view myself and my life does not need to fluctuate.  I REPEAT: it does not need to fluctuate. I need no fixing, no undoing… only the letting go of what IS NOT TRUE. Just be Robin. Nameless, faceless, full of fire and energetic magical spiritual stuff… just having a human experience.

As I sat with my eyes closed in dimmed light before the sun came out, I asked my heart how it was inside. Usually I feel pain in my heart or heaviness, but not this time when I checked in. It had been a while since I checked in with my heart in silence. I felt almost nothing, and I thought to myself, “Is this what openness feels like?” And then a voice, my voice, said loud and clear, yet with no warning, and with the gentleness of a sweet confident whisper “I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” Ok heart. I must be doing a good job; We are free.

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I will be doing everything I can to fight the good fight. Help me make a difference. 

Trikonasana

I wish I were an everyday writer. I have been writing all my life, but the magic of story telling only comes to me during a pivotal point in my life or revelations. There’s something magical about the fire that burns in the bottom of my heart when I decide to write about what I feel. Maybe it’s a gift. Maybe my sensitivity and openness is a curse. Maybe it will save someone’s quality of life. Maybe it’s saving my own.

I received a hateful message this morning on Facebook from a younger cousin who has anger and alcohol problems. I should be used to the whole slut shaming and virgin/whore dichotomy by now… but for whatever reason it stung like 10,000 be stings into my intestines this morning upon awakening. My body began to tremble and my heart race with fear. I was triggered. That life threatening, survival instinct had kicked in. He talked about the well being of my child. My child, the only reason I have life at all right now. The very thing that pulled me from the gates of hell, and gave me the inspiration to fight mental illness, addiction, failure, and trauma, was my child. Is my child, I should say. I still fight these things, but I am WINNING.

Later this morning, I bowed into myself on my yoga mat in a class of thirty people or more. I have not been practicing much lately because I have been running from my fear so fast I haven’t been sleeping well or breathing well. So to finally get on my mat and be fully willing to surrender my things to do list, my anxiety about money, my fears of failure and inadequacies, was a relief.  I dropped into my breath over and over trying to let go of fearful or anxious thoughts… and then it happened. As I closed my eyes and gracefully leaned in & opened up into trikonasana (triangle pose) my heart metaphorically ripped right open to the ceiling. Tears trickled down the side of my face and onto the floor. There I was, shinning brightly, beautifully, radiantly , and I knew it! This is who I am. I am never the things I fear or what people have told me. When you are graced with that glimpse of who you are, the moment that can barely be described with words, the only option in to weep at the revelation of your own power and beauty. I’ve been running from my beauty and running from my power because it’s frightening. Frightening to think, I might just experience even greater love, even greater success. I might just fuckin pull it off again this whole “after college thing.” The fear that I will be abandoned by everyone I love if I truly fill my life with what I love and desire. The fear that if I don’t have another degree or save some children in Africa, that I’ll disappoint everyone who has cheered me on.

I am so scared, but as I stepped back like an acrobatic dancer into down dog & whipped myself back upside down into wild thing… I almost yelled out loud as I said in my head with my eyes closes, “THIS IS MY BODY. THIS IS MYYYYYYY BODY. THIS IS MINE!!!!! THIS IS MY LIFE. THIS IS MY HEART! THIS IS MINEEEEEEEE!!!!!” But, I just whispered it to myself. This is the yoga. It never fails. Somatic therapy. Connection to something greater. Tapping into power.

I have so much more to say on what was said in that message & my experience of female objectification and parenting, but I am really excited about organizing my room right now and shaking my ass to some dub step. … until next time.

As usual when I am inspired to write, I do not plan what I will put down. I do have to say that I have a burning desire in my heart right now to express... to share what I'm experiencing.

My recent boyfriend bailed on Izzy and I a month ago or so, and surprisingly despite the sadness, I have been waking up everyday with this incredible energy and motivation. I remember this from before when I was pregnant with Izzy, starting school, diving into a yoga practice, determined to heal. My heart and ass were almost literally on fire. I have that same fire right now blazing in my heart. As I write this my chest is full of this incredible excitement and warmth. I am just so burning with excitement for my life... to be a part of YOUR life (whom ever that may be) and to just jump head first into everything that delights my spirit: rock climbing!! snowboarding!! dancing!! scholarships!! money!! being in nature!! being present for my daughter!! adventures!! graduating Cal & grad school!! moving closer to the beach!! being more loving & loud about it!! I mean list goes on & on. I want to inspire others so badly!

So, anyways, I've been meditating everyday, diving deeper into my yoga practice which I believe is somatic therapy for deep issues, and allowing myself to feel the depth of my feelings. I am dedicated to self-love, getting through blockages, and believing in my path even if people walk out of my life because it's not the path for them aka boyfriend. As a result, some weird stuff is going down ya'll!!!!! I had a kundalini experience yesterday and I am about to share it with you.

Goes like this... I had rough day prior to this amazing day dealing with welfare systems, legal systems, and just highly stressful things to make ends meet. I cried a lot but I got through it all and had 5 hours of physical activity between it all. Did I become super woman? I dunno how I did it. The next day I woke up at 4am to meditate (dedicated I TELL YOU ha ha) and do last minute homework. The rest of the day seemed to flow easily and effortlessly in comparison to the day before. I felt easeful... easy to talk to strangers which I usually avoid. I found myself shaking peoples hands, being super present, enjoying my daughter more. Wow... I was flowin with the Universe. I saw friends and usually at first I think judgmental thoughts of what i think they are thinking of me, but this time I just reached out to hug them both with confidence, stayed humble, and went about printing a poem. Why printing a poem?? Best part! Because my 1pm 500 person meditation class held by Professor Azevedo was going to change it up and let who ever wants to present a writing, an expression from the heart. I printed my self-forgiveness poem instead of my whore poem intuitively. My heart was pumping. I was so excited for this for some reason to be heard. I sat right in the front... signed one of the random sign up sheets going around for people who want to read. Then I sat back and made effort to be patient and pay attention for each presenter.

The first girl, a total hippy amazingly dont give a fuck kinda girl got up first and had us make the ugliest face we could... awkward but I tried and giggled. We all stood and moved our bodies in a spontaneously way & then she began her poem off top of her head. She was like free speaking. It was so profound and poetic and from the depths of her spirit. I had to swallow the intense knott in my throat. Suddenly, that warm excited sensation that I have been feeling in my heart spread through my entire core, into the bottom of my pelvic floor and up through the top of my head. HOLY MONKEY BALLS am I high? I thought to myself. Something inside me told me this was a gift and to relax and bask in the sensation. So I stayed present with my breath as a few more people went up... each one touching every bone in my body. I mean I felt their insight and inspiration in the depths of my bones so much that I began to get goosebumps up my legs and tingly in the back of my  head. One dorky white boy kid got up and surprised us all. He started free flowin. OMG this boy was a genius. Every line was so creative with so much depth of who he is and radical self-acceptance like explaining how he's different than the rest of the world maybe speakin alien compared to everyone else and how he's been to jail for fighting for what's right etc.... and the intensity that he performed it in was just mind blowing, and brave and radical and scary and brilliant all at the same time. I was just floored. I could barely handle the excitement. I just laughed and holla'd at him as everyone clapped and whistled. AMAZING. Then I was wanting to share mine so bad. And just as I was beginning to know they would randomly pick me next out of all the names, I began to imagine them saying my name in my head and before I could finish, they called ROBIN RIVERA. My friends cheered my name and I began to reveal my heart to this class room of 500 people not knowing I would struggle to read it with a frog in my throat because it was that real & that raw for me. I needed to be heard. I knew someone else in that room needed to hear it. And sure enough after... an young Indian girl came up to me to hug me and thank me and tell me how much it touched her. Wow. I was full blown lit up in all my chakras. Is this what can happen to the human body/spirit just by getting a group together in a sacred space where we try to meditate & then allow each other to creatively express ourselves??? If so, this is the fucking job I wanna do for the rest of my life!!!!! This is where the magic is at. AND, coincidentally my other full blown kundalini awakening happened in the same freaking kinda group setting 4 years ago in a Anusara Yoga immersion 108hr workshop. We did a creative expression night. I pussed out & didn't dance my dance because I was ashamed of how sexy I dance.. I thought I would be judged & then I sat there as I watched a belly dancer delight the room more than any other participant WITH MY FUCKING DANCE MOVES! It was beautiful & I missed my chance to express. But this shows me how much I've grown to come full circle. I did not miss my chance yesterday & I stood their completely unashamed of who I am. 

I want to tell you about the growth I experience later last night when my heart broke over this recent boyfriend and grieving letting him go... but this is getting to long. I'll just say that as my heart was breaking one of my best friends called: Miguel. The angel sent to guide me through that pain on such a very magical day for me. I know this friend SEES me. I mean really SEES me. And, he told me I must be like some extremely evolved human that gets to feel the full spectrum of what humans can potentially feel and experience. He's right. I'm experiencing it alright. May I learn to protect myself... May I never be afraid to love so deeply... may I love harder and longer and deeper... May I not cling to that love for their is abundance... May I never be ashamed of the blessings that I hold... May I share and share and share... and share.

Special thank you also to my dearest girl friend Ashley who pours her heart and beliefs into me, who reminds me who I am every step of the way, who walks with  me week after week, year after year. Thank you for your devotion. I love you.

The Miracle Is Found In the Surrender: Miraculous Life of an Ex-Porn Star

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https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/opinion/the-long-journey-of-a-runaway/8981 

This post is an experiment...

       I consider myself a very blunt and brutally honest person, but there are certain things about my journey that I don't usually share with anyone accept the people very close to me who I cannot shock anymore. Well today I feel called to be absolutely real about how hard it is to choose to leave the sex industry. Sex industry meaning anything in the adult business: stripping, web cam, porn, nude photo shoots etc. I am aware that most reading this will never understand what it's like to be a young woman with limited life skills and find that the sex industry will not only keep you afloat for years to come but drowned you with more money than most your family will ever see. I thought it was my ticket out! My ticket to freedom, fame, and fortune. It was my very best option. As long ago as it was, 5 years to be exact, it still haunts me on a monthly basis. As far as I have come in changing my life by winning over 30 awards and scholarships, after all the speeches I've given, articles written about my success story, and even one standing ovation as a keynote speaker... I still have times that I want to go back to my old life or at least for a quick fix to my finances. To choose everyday not to go back, is huge & only other women & children who have been in the "life" will ever understand what a huge accomplishment that is and the level of balls that takes! It feels like your intestines are being wrung out to say NO to quick money in a world where welfare is cutting me off and giving me another figurative ulcer. I have money & it always keeps coming, but the lies I tell myself override reality at times.
       Honestly, this post is my attempt at an experiment with God, the Universe. I was on the verge of doing web cam under my old stage name recently because I knew I could just chit chat with old fans and make new ones fast. My daughter Izzy & I would have plenty of money for the organic food we like, snow boarding, traveling, and ballet classes not to mention my school books. I thought I had to do it. Welfare just cut me off while I was studying abroad, I spent my money generously on other people and donating, I just always believe that more will come. But then the fear set in... as it always does. And I was ready to throw in the towel, even considering giving up on school and just stacking bread! Im really really good at it. I want control. I want my options back... But today I was reminded of my greatness & given a reminder of my purpose.
        One year ago I made a deal with God that if he helped me win some more scholarships I would not go back to the adult business, and I would stick the hard times out. Well, surprise surprise... I received over $70k in scholarships and grants. Ok FINE GOD! I'll stay, I thought. One of the awards I won was to be a UC Berkeley 2012 George Miller Scholar where I got $7k to conduct my own research on my favorite topic dear to my heart: the commercial sexual exploitation of children in America & more specifically in the bay area. I went through a lot this year and gave up on my project. I was telling them I want to forfeit my award and back out. They didn't let me. They insisted I know my shit and just throw together a last minute power point and deliver. I literally wrote my speech this morning and delivered at 4:45PM never practicing the speech. A miracle happened and some powerful authorative voice took over me as I looked people in the eyes and made my case about the need for residential treatment homes for commercially sexually exploited youth. People came up to me after and loved it. They really really heard me. They acted like I had planned that speech all year. Some want to get involved. I even was encouraged to apply for the bomb other scholarship to continue my research and go on for a PhD ride. Damn, talk about options.
        This moment showed me I have a gift and a purpose much greater than making quick money. It reminded me of those children selling their bodies for money and how I gotta show them the way out. I felt sick and knew I needed to cancel the web cam account that I have yet to start & keep trusting in my path and purpose. It ain't time to throw in the towel. I saw that clearly today. My best friend and lover will be delighted to hear that news I am sure. So, since it worked once before... I am giving this another shot.

God,
I surrender. I surrender it all... please help us. If there is another way beside the adult industry that I can survive and thrive and have all our dreams come true... please show me the way. This is my offering. I give up trying to figure it out my way, the way that was shown to me long ago and led me almost to death. Thank you for showing me today that I am so much more. Please continue to show me everyday so that I can remember. God, it's soooo hard. I forget. Help me remember so that I can help all those other women & girls know who they are. So that they can remember too.
Use me ... let my story be heard. Let it all be worth it. I believe in your miracles.. who ever you are God. I know you're there & have never ever failed me. My life is magical. Help me honor it by staying strong and hold my hand because I am so scared sometimes.

Thank you,
lil' Robi

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I will be doing everything I can to fight the good fight. Help me make a difference.

Girl In the Mirror

Wow! Here I go with this feeling I get when I have to write. It's like this higher part of me receives a revalation, and I have to let it flow creatively to be fully expressed and experienced...

I have gone through some pretty gnarly transitions and events this last few months, but this is what I am good at. I am on this personal path to uncover all my dark parts, to shed light, and be rid of the painful things that have held me back from being FREE. Free in my spirit, free to love & be loved, free from fear, free from internal anguish and self-destruction. When you are on that path, man the shit sure likes to hit the fan for all to see. The reason for this is #1 to humble you by forcing you to bask in your truth, all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. #2 it is an opportunity to learn who you are & accept yourself with radical acceptance & radical love regardless of what your best friend says about these events, regardless of the stories that have been played on repeat in your head about who you are & what you do & the reasons for it, regardless of what men or women come in and out of your life. When it comes down to it... YOU are the one who decides what meaning to give to your life, your spirit, and your character. YOU are the one who is responsible for your peace and contentment. YOU are the one who can rid all the terrible things that have happened and to transform them into works of art for the world to enjoy.

Before I receive clear perspective after the all hell seems to break loose, I tend to go into sort of a fog because all my beliefs and old patterns get stirred up. They get stirred up so that radical transformation can emerge and new beliefs can settle in. But man, can it be dark and lonely in the process. I made myself hang on tight and everyday this last month or two I have sat on my meditation pillow bowwing to my own heart, knowing that I can take refuge in thy self. I made this little place inside me my home. The love of my life seemed to turn his back on me as I was going through this transformation, my best friend has lectured me and I feel cut off from her, my family came to my rescue but bringing all their dysfunction along with their love, and mean while I have been trying to pull myself together to prepare to leave the country for the first time 12 years to a country I know little about. It's a lot. But, like I said, this is what I am made for. This is what I asked for. I beg God to keep healing me, I so deeply want to be free from the internal torment I have experience my entire life... the self-destructive habits that can lead me to think death is an option. I mean that is some sure soul torment when you have everyting to live for, but the pain inside is too hard to bear & it feels there is no way out at the time. My heart goes out to anyone who knows that type of utter gutwrenching pain.

Now that the fog is subsiding, I've had glimpses. These are the little gifts I receive from the Universe and seem to be part of the unveiling process. Recently, I have been an energetic magnet. I have been getting FB messages or comments from people that I didn't even know think of me and with their sweet appreciative words my soul opens up a little more to see what I should be seeing instead of the fog. People keep telling me that I inspire them, or that they are in awe of me, my love of life (& this person knew about my recent mental break down even yet she still knows & sees my love of life!), people have been telling me how beautiful I am even though I sometimes struggle with an eating disorder or body image quirks from my modeling days that haunt me, people hug me like they really love being with me, but mostly its these random messages I get from others or see people taking my advice on books, herbal medicine, self-love stuff, and working out... it makes me feel so good like I have a positive impact on people without even trying, just by taking care of myself, being brutally honest, and riding the waves. I feel overwhelmed with appreciation for the kind words that people have given me randomly. THANK YOU. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone & that you all see me... even when I have a hard time seeing myself. Thank you so much and I am inspired to keep telling others when they touch me with their beauty or strength.

This is not all for nothing. This IS FOR SOMETHING! The biggest lesson I am learning is the depths of self love.

Knew It Existed

      Despite lacking the tangible evidence in my home that a sweet kind of love existed, I just knew deep inside that it did. I didn't see it in my parents... not once (sorry mom, don't read this... turn back now <3). I saw an occasional awkward half hug... which, EEW, made my stomach turn every time because it seemed so unnatural for my parents to do. But, I did see love in other people. I can't put my finger on it. I felt an amazing love when I would get the opportunity to help someone when I was little... I felt the love from my Grandmother who let me play with her ancient treasures and dance gracefully like a ballerina. As life went on, I felt so cheated that this love I believed in didn't show up very often in my life. And, I became depressed. Choice after choice, I set myself up to confirm this other belief that I did not deserve to be loved for if my own family didn't love me, something must be wrong with me. Life went on.

Through a series of events, I began to awaken to my true nature & that belief in love still very much alive. I fell in love with this child of mine & oh my God was it rocking my world! I began to date for the first time and feel frustrated that these men, although nice & good looking, did not express that deep, soul touching gentle love that I knew existed. I even told my daughter's father, after we tried to get back together once, that I believe in a special kind of love & I know I deserve it now... He proceeded to tell me, "NO ONE is going to love you the way that you want to be loved, and if you find him, let me know so I can kick his ass!" I laugh at this now, sweet Henry... he just couldn't see me for who I was nor could I completely see him. I believe people can only see your true beauty and gifts if they too possess those gifts or are at a similar level of awakening in life (or by miracle). For a second, I thought something was wrong with me that my standards had gotten too high, or I had one of those over the top expectations of men that I couldn't control. But, none the less I walked away from these dating attempts and focused on loving myself. I kept seeking spirituality and doing what made me happy. I busted my ass in school and rocked the shit out of my community college. I mean it was catastrophic the impact I was blessed to make. I was kind of accepting that maybe that partnership we all seek would be sacrificed for me to serve the world whole heartedly... maybe I would be like freakin mother Teresa or something. I was ok with that.

To my great surprise, this amazing, gentle, patient, wild man came into my life... and completely confirmed for me that I was on the right track with those red flags before. He completely confirmed that someone will indeed love me the way I always wanted to be loved and that a deep, sweet spiritual love does exist. I thought I was possibly broken, unable to receive love, but this man showed me I am not... I was just not in front of the right person or spot. We laugh and play and act completely wild in public. We have had a spaghetti fight in the middle of my kitchen late at night that was part kissing part actually eating &  part throwing meatballs without abandon. We teach each other all our special gifts and explore new things and ideas. He shares his books with me so we can be on the same page spiritually and I share my pranayama & teachings with him as well. It's as if all those lessons before led me up to this point where I could openly receive love in a raw and vulnerable way and stand still... not run. I usually run. This person holds me so close, running isn't necessary nor an option. This love purifies all those things I  thought I missed out on or had ruined by someone or something. This love comforts me in way I never knew could. How can a man know every deep dark nook n cranny that most would have a heart attack knowing, yet be brave enough to walk though it & say, "I feel you. Im here for you," while placing his hand on my heart. It feels like God is blessing me and making up for all the pain I experienced most of my life... I have a vision of God or Goddess (who ever) wiping away my tears, stroking my hair saying, "Don't worry child. I didn't stop the world from hurting you for good reason, but hold on I have a plan; the best is yet to come." Thank you Universe for holding me so tightly and never letting go. Thank you for bringing this man into our life to make up for all the rough times. Thank you for giving me a gorgeous, kind partner to share this amazing journey with... I intend to share our love over and over and over again. I knew that love existed. Told ya!