WOW... I am inspired by my pain once again. I was told yesterday by the father of my child that I am a whore/garbage and that I don't know what love is. He said that I will never be loved the way I desire to be loved and that I am selfish to go on dates.
     I for some reason felt incredible love towards him as he did what he has done for 4 years: belittle me and abuse me mentally. I felt this love for him and patience and calmness (I cried later but at the time I was collected). I explained to him that I do know what love is, in a way that he can see with his own eyes in his life how I have loved hime. I told him, "love is when you want someone to be happy despite their own choice to live in darkness, love is when someone let's you down but you still try to do good to them, love is praying for someone everyday for 2 years to be happy and healthy even though he calls you a whore and stupid and wished death on your unborn child.Love is abandoning everything I knew and stepping into the future terrified and weak but doing it anyway for my child and never giving up no matter what. Love is offering to give his mother my bone marrow just because I love her & i know its my duty to honor what my heart says I need to do. Above all, love isn't mean, love isn't cruel, love is a sacrifice and it is about giving not receiving."
      I can honestly say i believe in LOVE. Love gave me the the power to do the unthinkable and to change whereas nothing ever ever had helped me succeed. I believe in the most beautiful kind of love in a relationship where both people willingly grow together, face challenges holding hands, seek spirituality, and thrive on every level possible & even the impossible.
     I already know this kind of love because I have friends who have loved me unconditionally. The ones who didn't, weeded themselves out, but a dozen or so have stayed forever. They have loved me in my darkness and celebrated with me in my light. They have taught me how valuable and how precious I am & in turn I want to teach others their value. My friends write me love letters, send me books and articles, show up when I need them & even when I don't ask for help they give it. ANd my family... don't get me started on my family... we have been through hell and back 10 times and still we know we love each other, still they would bail me out of any situation because they know my heart is true... and my dedication is there... they will always be here for me no matter what. My brother, he has taught me that men are capable of an innocent kind of love, the way he loves me... only he could teach me this in a world where all I knew was corruption, deceit, and perversion. NOW, I know love. And I am thankful to Izzy's father consistently teaching me all the things I DO KNOW through his cruelty... pain is the greatest teacher.