Discovering My Survivorship

Holy smoke balls!! Nothing makes my heart heavier than talking about childhood trauma... ughhhh. And, on the same token, nothing lights it up more either. 

A few years ago after setting out to hard core change my life, I was driving listening to God music on the radio la la la. Then, all of a sudden this commercial came on for a human trafficking event taking place in Fremont, CA. It felt as if the car had stopped moving, time stood still, and I just had this wild knowing that I needed to be there. I was drawn to it. 

So, I showed up alone and nervous, yet comforted with the knowing that I had a mission to be there. I ran into my mom's churchy friends and tried to escape their presence eeeeek. They might know how weird it is I am here alone! I gave myself a tour around all the booth tables searching for something inspiring, trying to find the reason I had been drawn there. I wanted to volunteer. I ran into the MISSSEY table which stands for Motivating, Inspiring, Serving, and Supporting Sexually Exploited Youth. I got hooked up with them & stayed active for a couple years. Now looking back, all these little puzzles pieces are falling into place and making sense. Because of that involvement, I was a runner up for many many scholarships and awards. 

A few years later, here I am having my world rocked. With each training sesion and experience I receive deeper healing. I’ve come to find out that my childhood experiences fall under the definition of being commercially sexually exploited as a child. Luckily for me, my family, as dysfunctional and twisted as they are, loved me enough AND HAD THE RESOURCES to lock me up in Mexico for over a year to save my life. I was never put out on the streets and sold, but it was very very close. Anyone of the ADULT drug dealers or gang bangers exploiting me could have put me to work on the streets… instead they exploited me in their own homes. Commercial is defined as the transaction of anything worth value. For me it was food, shelter including harboring from the abuse in my home, black mail, threats, protection, drugs, and rape. I was just a little girl. I was scared and alone. Fast forwarding... no wonder I was auspiciously drawn to those human trafficking conferences with my tail between my legs feeling so confused. I was placed right where I needed to be to discover my truth, to find the parts of me unhealed, and to make something beautiful of it all. 

What happens to runaway little girls? Even if they are lucky enough to escape the vicious cycle of abuse one day? What kind of life can they lead if their growing years were tainted with trauma and the world they were introduced to proved to be unsafe? What kind of struggles could you imagine they face? What kind of jobs will they acquire as an adult? What becomes of their sexuality & self-esteem? DO THEY EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?

All questions, my life has answered.

The ones lucky enough to survive stumbling along the way, have the obligation to keep healing so that they may stand up for all the others not so lucky.